10/6/2013

Today was interesting I realized if my bio family really wanted to have a relationship with me they would make an effort to do so, but they don't make any sort of an effort so I guess they really don't want to have any relationship with me. And it fucking hurt to realize that. It hurt to realize that I am not loved by those people. That they won't care for me in any way. They never did. My bio mom claims that she did but when it comes down to it. If I need money to pay for school or anything important. She doesn't give a shit but she will pay for my two younger sisters to be in private school and for my 46 year old sister to live in the same house with her. Realizing that she never really did love me and that she only put up with me as her punching bag and as an excuse not to take care of her children. Is something that will always hurt me. I feel like I shouldn't have to go through this hurt but I do and that's not fair and for all of you people who are going to tell me life isn't fair. I know goddamn well it isn't fair I fucking know I just feel the need to say it isn't.

10/5/2013

Today was actually a good day, I didn't do a lot of anything considering its a Saturday. To me that is like sleeping in, well if I could sleep. At like midnight last night me and my friends went for a three hour bike ride and ended up at 3 am and as you might now it is a very delicious place to eat I had stuffed french toast, which to me just tasted like a cinnamon roll. Not really sure if that's what they were going for but it was delicious. I went to sleep at like 4 am and than woke up at 8 it was weird. I stayed at my friends house till 1 pm than came home and went to sleep and now I am talking to my friend in Australia via skype a fucking amazing invention.

Sirens just went off, we don't live in a bad part of this town we just live right across the street from the hospital so it's kind of annoying but ok. I am supposed to be writing an essay right now but guess what I am talking to you instead. I can't get that stupid thing done. I don't know what to do. I don't know I just don't know. I feel like I keep screwing it up and I feel like quitting everything math and English. Why is everything so hard?

I guess this is just going to be a journal type of thing, so everyday I will just come on here and journal I will say things that are relevent to that day. So I guess you will find who I am little by little.


byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee